There are three kinds of criticism

Same as hunting, criticism feels like a noble sport or an assassination; depends on which side of the gun you are.

When we give criticism we judge it fair but we are born to take criticism as surprise, stoning and humiliation.

This is quite undiscerning. In fact, from its very definition, a "critique" is valuing and scaffolding what we find good as much as correcting the improvable or censoring the wrong. You can give and obtain profitable feedback in all forms of critique. Even in the mud of bad, hostile criticism there are hidden precious gems which you would never find otherwise.

It is well worth to be aware of what we do with criticism instead of leaving it to happen by itself.

There are, I propose, three kinds of criticism: friendly, objective and hostile, each with its function. Do not confuse them. They have different aims and rules which you should recognise when you give critique and also when you receive it.

In all its forms, critique will not be received on impartial merit. It will not simply win by the force of fact and argument and the crystal clarity of Truth. Not at all. The business of critique concerns persons. Even the friendliest critique requires convincing and tactfulness; credibility, the right occasion, intentions, attitude and words clearly understood. There is a rhetoric of criticism without which it will confuse and it may be rejected as an aggression. Or, it will bounce into the opposite of what was intended.

In short, criticise if you know you have a right to do it, where it helps and when it is also timely. Critiquing without asking yourself first for which cause you do it now and even more with which purpose, is a vicious bad habit.

When being criticised, the urgent thing is to observe that you are criticised, before reacting to the heat, so that you control your response and gain some use of what you hear. First, ask yourself which kind of critique you face : Friendly? Objective? Hostile? One gives or receives the three modes with a different mind.

Do not let yourself argue with critique received, it is not ping pong, not a show of wits, a negotiation, nor an academic quest after truth. It is most often response, feedback and evaluation, a sign of something that counts, a significant relation between people. Handle with care. *

Friendly criticism is a gift of sympathy, to help the one criticised; the friendly critic takes the side of the person criticisedand his aim is to aid, improve, protect, to warn and to help succeed. With such a purpose, as a critic, you test carefully to avoid harm, to correct the weak points and advise what is to improve and how. You protect and encourage. This is the work of the wise.

Objective criticism, indifferent or factualas I like to call it, is taking distance, rather insensitive to persons: It is indifferent to the person because it serves some impersonal and impartial discipline, an institutional goal, work, or a wider, higher and abstract ideal – truth, beauty, religion or justice, profit, success of a project, excellence... so that it has no friends.

Mostly harmless when necessary, based of fact and following civilised rules, often precious as a form of competent advice, it turns inhuman at times. It does not dwell on people, it is meant to correct, to perfect, to redress and bring to task and norm, to do everything towards precision, beauty, excellence, outcome and profit. It does what is needed, nothing personal.

Hostile criticism is used in dysfunctional asymmetric situations, to defend or to attack, to reject, to punish, to subvert, even to hurt and to destroy. Unfavourable, it works to at least contain and make things hard for the target.

While defending against something, this critique is aimed at overwhelming enemies and bad competitors; not to improve them but to unsettle and to reject them, to belittle, to punish or even to destroy. It tries to stop, to contain, to make things harder or to discredit and ridicule. Unfavourable by definition, what it wants to avoid is being of any help.

Always ask yourself which kind of criticism you face or chose to make. Accordingly, you handle these three critiques in different ways.