The old house grew cluttered.
I could not stop myself to cling and grab and stash, so that things piled up beyond that which my memory can hold;
all those objects, those worn coffers, are hardly mine anymore, absent from my attention, a resting place for dust.
My better mouse trap is so crowded there is no place left for the mouse.
Maybe the well is dry and all these thoughts, elusive, too quick to catch, are only flies buzzing over the drying mud. Maybe this is the end.
*
What wisdom can I draw from such a troubled state of mind?
*
That it is time for spring cleaning.
Am I displeased with myself? As Eckhard Tolle says [1], it means that there are two of us: the one who does not satisfy me and the one who is displeased; I must find myself - the free, the lighter one - and take distance from the one I dislike.
I may need a lighter broom too. Many years ago I learned that in difficult situations when people feel lost, the miraculous recipe is to make things simple; to ask “what does all this mean in plain human terms?”
Look at Montaigne teaching “l’air de rien” such simple things, like wisdom being an art to live well as you are, not by chasing some unattainable perfection.
Take it easier; enjoy the sunshine and the quiet evenings. Eat only what you need. Read some good books. Write one thought at a time. Smile and be smiled to.
This is a wonderful season to cast aside or to give away, to unlearn and forget, to be nice, to leave some space for other people...
[1] Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now, author’s introduction: “I cannot live with myself any longer.” This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought it was. "Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the 'I' and the 'self' that 'I' cannot live with.“ ”Maybe,“ I thought,” only one of them is real.”
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